Pygmy Pete, the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl
photo credit: wirestock
This Is Your Life! (the Owl Edition)
February 28, 2025
EMCEE: Time for This Is Your Life! The Owl Edition. Now here's your host, Blaze Sterling.
[applause]
HOST: Hello, everybody, and welcome. Today, we will be celebrating the life of an owl of the desert southwest. He may be just the size of a sparrow, but don't let that fool you: he will take down prey as large as a California quail. His scientific name is Glaucidium brasilianum, but you know him as the fantastic Ferruginous Pygmy Owl. Would you please welcome Pygmy Pete, the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl!
PETE: Thank you so much. It's great to be here.
HOST: How are you doing, Pygmy Pete?
PETE: Fine, thanks.
HOST: We are about to celebrate your amazing life.
PETE: How exciting.
HOST: But first let me say congratulations on your big win at the North American Owl Awards for 2025.
PETE: Oh, thank you, Blaze. Yes, I took home the Golden Owl Pellet for North American Owl Most Affected by the Border Wall.
HOST: Indeed, you did. And I understand that you made a rather controversial acceptance speech during the broadcast.
PETE: What do you mean, you understand? Don't tell me you were not watching the big show?
HOST: Oh, I definitely was, of course, but it just so happened that I was in the kitchen popping popcorn during your protest spiel.
PETE: What a shame! I really let Congress have it for putting up a border wall.
HOST: That's what I hear. I'll tell you what, let's play a clip of that speech right now. Watch this, everyone. This is Pygmy Pete's comments shortly after receiving his Golden Owl Pellet for Owl Most Affected by the Border Wall. Here we go.
Emcee 2: And the winner for North American Owl Most Threatened by the Border Wall is...
The Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, Glaucidium brasilianum!
Ferruginous Pygmy Owl: Well, I'm sorry to say, I do deserve this one, folks. You see, the vast majority of my species' population lives South of the Border, and a 30-foot border wall cuts me off from a lot of potential mates, thereby cutting down on my species' genetic diversity in the States. You see, I don't so much fly as I swoop down on prey. And it's not like I'm going to pole-vault over a 30-foot wall to find a mate.
To paraphrase one of your nation's favorite poets, "Something there is that doesn't like a wall." Or, to be more specific, "Something there is that hates a wall and can't fly over it and wants Congress to find a better way to deal with immigration issues than by punishing human beings and wildlife as opposed to finding a win-win solution for everybody that doesn't leave a bad taste of racism in everybody's mouth and/or beak. Something there is that hates all that crap and wants you to stop it NOW! Something there is that--"
Emcee 2: Yes, yes, okay, you'd better wrap it up, Pygmy Pete.
Ferruginous Pygmy Owl: Oh, sorry about that. I guess I got carried away.
Thank you so much for the recognition, though! Much obliged, folks! Much obliged!
HOST: Fantastic. You really did ruffle some feathers on award night.
PETE: That was my intention.
HOST: Now let's get down to business. Are you ready to reminisce?
PETE: As ready as I'll ever be, Blaze.
HOST: Pygmy Pete, I have the great pleasure of telling you that... THIS is your life!
[music soars, audience applauds]
PETE: Oh, my goodness! This is too much!
HOST: Let me take you back two years to the Cabeza Prieta National Wildlife Refuge in Southern Arizona. Pygmy Pete, do you recognize this voice?
FEMALE OWL: Now, Pete, you be sure to eat every bit of that Giant Cicada. Your father caught it especially for you.
PETE: No, it can't be!
HOST: It is. Let's all welcome, please, Pygmy Pete's mother, Rosita!
[applause]
PETE: Oh, this is too much.
ROSITA: Hello, Pete.
HOST: And it looks like Pygmy Pete listened to his mother because he has grown up big and strong, indeed.
ROSITA: Oh, I am so proud of him. He was always a good eater. Do you know he was the first of my four-bird brood to eat a scorpion?
PETE: Oh, Mom, now you're embarrassing me.
HOST: Yes, those were the days, back in that comfy nest inside that oddly misshapen Saguaro Cactus just outside of Azo, Arizona, near the Mexican border.
PETE: Ah, yes!
HOST: Yet all too soon, you were destined to be evicted from that Eden of infancy and forced to survive on your own in the real world of the desert southwest, and that, of course, means surviving predators. Speaking of which, do you remember THIS voice?
COYOTE: I'm gonna gitcha, Pygmy Pete! I'm gonna gitcha!
PETE: It can't be!
HOST: It is! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Coyote Slim.
PETE: I trust you guys are going to keep him away from me.
HOST: Tell me what it's like, Slim, to see Pygmy Pete again after all these years.
PETE: Yeah, all two of 'em.
COYOTE: It makes me hungry, to be honest.
HOST: Yes, I'm sure you hunger for the old times just like all of us.
COYOTE: How's that? Oh, I mean, yeah, sure. That's what I meant. I hunger for the old times. Funny story, though: I came within a hair's breadth of catching this wise guy when he was a fledgling.
MOTHER: That's a predator for you: always going for the easy kill.
COYOTE: That's rich coming from a Ferruginous Pygmy Owl.
MOTHER: What do you mean by that?
COYOTE: I know how your species is always attacking defenseless songbirds.
MOTHER: Defenseless? Have you ever been dive-bombed by a mob of indignant passerines? Believe me, they give as good as they get.
HOST: You guys clearly have a lot of catching up to do, but why don't you have a seat for now, Slim, because our next special guest is ready behind the curtain.
COYOTE: I'm gonna gitcha, Pygmy Pete! I'm gonna gitcha!
PETE: You know what, that was scary the first 2,000 times I heard it, but round about the 3,000th time, it started getting old.
COYOTE: Oh, yeah? Well, you wouldn't be mouthing off like that if there were not security guards in the room with tranquilizer guns at the ready.
HOST: That's what we like to hear, the lovable good-natured banter of old friends.
PETE: What?
HOST: And speaking of lovable, I've got to ask you, Pygmy Pete, and this time with feeling: Do you recognize THIS voice?
MRS. SMITH: Oh, I am so glad that a Pygmy Owl has finally called my nesting box home!
PETE: No, it can't be!
HOST: It is! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mrs. Calliope Firkin, an owl-loving housekeeper from the old silver-mining town of Bisbee, Arizona, near the Mexican border.
[applause]
MRS. FIRKIN: I would recognize that owl anywhere! It's Pygmy Pete, the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, who raised a brood of five in the nest-box I provided in my backyard.
PETE: Well, to be fair, I had a little help from my mate.
MRS. FIRKIN: Ha ha! That's a good one. It's nice to see that you still have your sense of humor. You used to crack us up, me and the hubby. We placed all these wood chips in your specially designed nest box, thinking that you'd want a nice cozy set-up for your eggs, right?
PETE: Right.
MRS. FIRKIN: And what do you suppose, folks? No sooner had the parents-to-be popped in through the 2-inch hole than they began methodically throwing out all the wood chips that we had just put in there for their own convenience!
PETE: Well, we Ferruginous Pygmy Owls are minimalists, what can I say?
MRS. FIRKIN: Birds of your species are like the Puritans of the owl world. It's like they're afraid that, if they don't draw the line at wood chips, they will soon have a flat-screen TV in their nest box taking up every bit of the 13-inch wall.
HOST: So! You've been holding out on us, Pygmy Pete. Who knew that you lived such an event-filled life?!
PETE: Not me, for starters.
HOST: But wait, there's more!
PETE: I was afraid of that.
HOST: Pygmy Pete, I have the honor of asking you just one more very familiar question.
PETE: Go ahead, do your worst.
HOST: Do you remember, by any stretch of the imagination whatsoever... THIS voice?!
JOHANN FRIEDRICH GMELIN (with German accent): You got your lederhosen in my schnitzengruben!
[audience gasps]
OWL: No, it can't be!
HOST: It is! Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome German naturalist, Mr. Johann Friedrich Gmelin!
OWL: No, I mean it really can't be, on account of that guy died back in the early 1800s!
GMELIN: What?! Do you think that a little thing like death could stop me from celebrating the life of the owl that I myself was the first to describe and classify in my updated version of Systema Naturae by Carl Linnaeus?
OWL: Well... yes, quite frankly, I do.
EMCEE: Yes, it's Johann Friedrich Gmelin himself, who first put your species on the map as far as owl watchers were concerned.
OWL: If you say so.
HOST: Yes, indeed, so much has happened over the last two years... to say nothing of the last 225 years!
MOTHER: Yes, son, we are all so proud of you!
OWL: Thanks, Mom.
MOTHER: With the possible exception of the coyote, of course.
COYOTE: I heard that.
HOST: Pygmy Pete!
OWL: Yes?
HOST: I say Pygmy Pete!
OWL: Yes, yes?
HOST: THIS IS YOUR LIFE!
[music soars, audience applauds]
Now I'd like to invite all our guests to come around and chat with Pygmy Pete as the credits roll.
GMELIN: Mein gott! Der is a coyote in the studio!
[audience laughs, coyote yips]
HOST: Thank you for joining us for this special celebration of the life of the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, Glaucidium brasilianum. Be sure to join us next time when we celebrate the life of yet another North American Owl Favorite on... THIS IS YOUR LIFE! THE OWL EDITION!
EMCEE: This has been a Mark Todman-Bill Goodson Production. Klein Cassidy speaking. Stay Tuned for the Brady Owls, over most of these ABCDEFG stations.
February 28, 2025
EMCEE: Time for This Is Your Life! The Owl Edition. Now here's your host, Blaze Sterling.
[applause]
HOST: Hello, everybody, and welcome. Today, we will be celebrating the life of an owl of the desert southwest. He may be just the size of a sparrow, but don't let that fool you: he will take down prey as large as a California quail. His scientific name is Glaucidium brasilianum, but you know him as the fantastic Ferruginous Pygmy Owl. Would you please welcome Pygmy Pete, the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl!
PETE: Thank you so much. It's great to be here.
HOST: How are you doing, Pygmy Pete?
PETE: Fine, thanks.
HOST: We are about to celebrate your amazing life.
PETE: How exciting.
HOST: But first let me say congratulations on your big win at the North American Owl Awards for 2025.
PETE: Oh, thank you, Blaze. Yes, I took home the Golden Owl Pellet for North American Owl Most Affected by the Border Wall.
HOST: Indeed, you did. And I understand that you made a rather controversial acceptance speech during the broadcast.
PETE: What do you mean, you understand? Don't tell me you were not watching the big show?
HOST: Oh, I definitely was, of course, but it just so happened that I was in the kitchen popping popcorn during your protest spiel.
PETE: What a shame! I really let Congress have it for putting up a border wall.
HOST: That's what I hear. I'll tell you what, let's play a clip of that speech right now. Watch this, everyone. This is Pygmy Pete's comments shortly after receiving his Golden Owl Pellet for Owl Most Affected by the Border Wall. Here we go.
Emcee 2: And the winner for North American Owl Most Threatened by the Border Wall is...
The Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, Glaucidium brasilianum!
Ferruginous Pygmy Owl: Well, I'm sorry to say, I do deserve this one, folks. You see, the vast majority of my species' population lives South of the Border, and a 30-foot border wall cuts me off from a lot of potential mates, thereby cutting down on my species' genetic diversity in the States. You see, I don't so much fly as I swoop down on prey. And it's not like I'm going to pole-vault over a 30-foot wall to find a mate.
To paraphrase one of your nation's favorite poets, "Something there is that doesn't like a wall." Or, to be more specific, "Something there is that hates a wall and can't fly over it and wants Congress to find a better way to deal with immigration issues than by punishing human beings and wildlife as opposed to finding a win-win solution for everybody that doesn't leave a bad taste of racism in everybody's mouth and/or beak. Something there is that hates all that crap and wants you to stop it NOW! Something there is that--"
Emcee 2: Yes, yes, okay, you'd better wrap it up, Pygmy Pete.
Ferruginous Pygmy Owl: Oh, sorry about that. I guess I got carried away.
Thank you so much for the recognition, though! Much obliged, folks! Much obliged!
HOST: Fantastic. You really did ruffle some feathers on award night.
PETE: That was my intention.
HOST: Now let's get down to business. Are you ready to reminisce?
PETE: As ready as I'll ever be, Blaze.
HOST: Pygmy Pete, I have the great pleasure of telling you that... THIS is your life!
[music soars, audience applauds]
PETE: Oh, my goodness! This is too much!
HOST: Let me take you back two years to the Cabeza Prieta National Wildlife Refuge in Southern Arizona. Pygmy Pete, do you recognize this voice?
FEMALE OWL: Now, Pete, you be sure to eat every bit of that Giant Cicada. Your father caught it especially for you.
PETE: No, it can't be!
HOST: It is. Let's all welcome, please, Pygmy Pete's mother, Rosita!
[applause]
PETE: Oh, this is too much.
ROSITA: Hello, Pete.
HOST: And it looks like Pygmy Pete listened to his mother because he has grown up big and strong, indeed.
ROSITA: Oh, I am so proud of him. He was always a good eater. Do you know he was the first of my four-bird brood to eat a scorpion?
PETE: Oh, Mom, now you're embarrassing me.
HOST: Yes, those were the days, back in that comfy nest inside that oddly misshapen Saguaro Cactus just outside of Azo, Arizona, near the Mexican border.
PETE: Ah, yes!
HOST: Yet all too soon, you were destined to be evicted from that Eden of infancy and forced to survive on your own in the real world of the desert southwest, and that, of course, means surviving predators. Speaking of which, do you remember THIS voice?
COYOTE: I'm gonna gitcha, Pygmy Pete! I'm gonna gitcha!
PETE: It can't be!
HOST: It is! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Coyote Slim.
PETE: I trust you guys are going to keep him away from me.
HOST: Tell me what it's like, Slim, to see Pygmy Pete again after all these years.
PETE: Yeah, all two of 'em.
COYOTE: It makes me hungry, to be honest.
HOST: Yes, I'm sure you hunger for the old times just like all of us.
COYOTE: How's that? Oh, I mean, yeah, sure. That's what I meant. I hunger for the old times. Funny story, though: I came within a hair's breadth of catching this wise guy when he was a fledgling.
MOTHER: That's a predator for you: always going for the easy kill.
COYOTE: That's rich coming from a Ferruginous Pygmy Owl.
MOTHER: What do you mean by that?
COYOTE: I know how your species is always attacking defenseless songbirds.
MOTHER: Defenseless? Have you ever been dive-bombed by a mob of indignant passerines? Believe me, they give as good as they get.
HOST: You guys clearly have a lot of catching up to do, but why don't you have a seat for now, Slim, because our next special guest is ready behind the curtain.
COYOTE: I'm gonna gitcha, Pygmy Pete! I'm gonna gitcha!
PETE: You know what, that was scary the first 2,000 times I heard it, but round about the 3,000th time, it started getting old.
COYOTE: Oh, yeah? Well, you wouldn't be mouthing off like that if there were not security guards in the room with tranquilizer guns at the ready.
HOST: That's what we like to hear, the lovable good-natured banter of old friends.
PETE: What?
HOST: And speaking of lovable, I've got to ask you, Pygmy Pete, and this time with feeling: Do you recognize THIS voice?
MRS. SMITH: Oh, I am so glad that a Pygmy Owl has finally called my nesting box home!
PETE: No, it can't be!
HOST: It is! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mrs. Calliope Firkin, an owl-loving housekeeper from the old silver-mining town of Bisbee, Arizona, near the Mexican border.
[applause]
MRS. FIRKIN: I would recognize that owl anywhere! It's Pygmy Pete, the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, who raised a brood of five in the nest-box I provided in my backyard.
PETE: Well, to be fair, I had a little help from my mate.
MRS. FIRKIN: Ha ha! That's a good one. It's nice to see that you still have your sense of humor. You used to crack us up, me and the hubby. We placed all these wood chips in your specially designed nest box, thinking that you'd want a nice cozy set-up for your eggs, right?
PETE: Right.
MRS. FIRKIN: And what do you suppose, folks? No sooner had the parents-to-be popped in through the 2-inch hole than they began methodically throwing out all the wood chips that we had just put in there for their own convenience!
PETE: Well, we Ferruginous Pygmy Owls are minimalists, what can I say?
MRS. FIRKIN: Birds of your species are like the Puritans of the owl world. It's like they're afraid that, if they don't draw the line at wood chips, they will soon have a flat-screen TV in their nest box taking up every bit of the 13-inch wall.
HOST: So! You've been holding out on us, Pygmy Pete. Who knew that you lived such an event-filled life?!
PETE: Not me, for starters.
HOST: But wait, there's more!
PETE: I was afraid of that.
HOST: Pygmy Pete, I have the honor of asking you just one more very familiar question.
PETE: Go ahead, do your worst.
HOST: Do you remember, by any stretch of the imagination whatsoever... THIS voice?!
JOHANN FRIEDRICH GMELIN (with German accent): You got your lederhosen in my schnitzengruben!
[audience gasps]
OWL: No, it can't be!
HOST: It is! Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome German naturalist, Mr. Johann Friedrich Gmelin!
OWL: No, I mean it really can't be, on account of that guy died back in the early 1800s!
GMELIN: What?! Do you think that a little thing like death could stop me from celebrating the life of the owl that I myself was the first to describe and classify in my updated version of Systema Naturae by Carl Linnaeus?
OWL: Well... yes, quite frankly, I do.
EMCEE: Yes, it's Johann Friedrich Gmelin himself, who first put your species on the map as far as owl watchers were concerned.
OWL: If you say so.
HOST: Yes, indeed, so much has happened over the last two years... to say nothing of the last 225 years!
MOTHER: Yes, son, we are all so proud of you!
OWL: Thanks, Mom.
MOTHER: With the possible exception of the coyote, of course.
COYOTE: I heard that.
HOST: Pygmy Pete!
OWL: Yes?
HOST: I say Pygmy Pete!
OWL: Yes, yes?
HOST: THIS IS YOUR LIFE!
[music soars, audience applauds]
Now I'd like to invite all our guests to come around and chat with Pygmy Pete as the credits roll.
GMELIN: Mein gott! Der is a coyote in the studio!
[audience laughs, coyote yips]
HOST: Thank you for joining us for this special celebration of the life of the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, Glaucidium brasilianum. Be sure to join us next time when we celebrate the life of yet another North American Owl Favorite on... THIS IS YOUR LIFE! THE OWL EDITION!
EMCEE: This has been a Mark Todman-Bill Goodson Production. Klein Cassidy speaking. Stay Tuned for the Brady Owls, over most of these ABCDEFG stations.
Something there is that does not like a Border Wall
January 19, 2025
Heads up, gossip hounds. My species won big this year at the North American Owl Awards at Tufts University. We Ferruginous Pygmy Owls took home the Golden Owl Pellet for the Owl Most Threatened by the Border Wall! You should check out my controversial acceptance speech. I let Congress have it for approving such an abomination in the first place!
Listen to the North American Owl Awards ceremony, live from Zimman Field at Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts!
Tiny Owl, Tiny Territory
December 8, 2024
Why, bless my heart, we Ferruginous Pygmy Owls are hardly in the United States at all.
Oh, hi there, folks. Take a look at this habitat map with me, would you? Just look at that1. We Ferruginous Pygmy Owls positively rule south of the border. We're all over the place, from Mexico through Central America and down into South America as far as Bolivia and Argentina.
And yet check out the meager bit of territory that we control in the USA. It's nothing at all. Our North American homeland is limited to two tiny outposts in the tippy-tippy southernmost portions of the states of Texas and Arizona.
And it seems like you Statesiders are trying to kick us out of there, as well. I mean, what's the big idea of building a 30-foot Border Wall that separates us from our kind down south2? Do you think I'm going to fly over that? That's just not how we operate. In the words of the Jungle Dragon website:
"The flight is low to the ground and rapid with long swoop.3"
In other words, I'm a swooper, not a pole-vaulter. The wall may as well be a mile high, as far as we Ferruginous Pygmy Owls are concerned. How am I going to find a decent mate when you've cordoned me off like this in such a limited territory?
But where are my manners? Pygmy Pete at your service, the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, known scientifically as Glaucidium brasilianum.
I really just wanted to welcome you to my new blog, where I will be giving you detailed information about Ferruginous Pygmy Owls over the course of time. Unfortunately, I saw this map just before we "went live" and it knocked me off my talons. I mean, a cousin of mine called the Northern Pygmy Owl has year-round territory extending from Mexico to the northernmost part of British Columbia4, and here am I with just this little niche near the Mexican border. It's embarrassing.
By rights, I should have given you some species stats by now. But as your poet Shakespeare once said, "Omittance is no quittance," so stay tuned, all right? Did you know, for instance, that I'm a rust-colored owl5 the size of a sparrow6? And that my singing sessions can last as long as five hours7?
But time's up for now, I've gotta fly -- or swoop, rather.
If you're ever in extreme southeastern Arizona, keep your ears open for those song sessions of mine. They're absolutely free to hear in the wild, no advertisements whatsoever... which is more than I can say for the online world.
Just remember, though, that if you spy a tiny owl residing in a cactus cavity in southern Arizona or Texas, it may or may not be yours truly. Both my territory and my species specs overlap with those of the Elf Owl. So stay tuned to this blog to learn how to tell us apart.
Hint: You might start by listening to our various calls. They say that the Elf Owl sounds like a yipping puppy8, whereas my main calls have been characterized as repetitive whistles.9.
But judge for yourself:
For Elf Owl Sounds, click here.
For Ferruginous Pygmy Owl Sounds, click here.
Now, forgive me while I get back to this habitat map. I just can't believe how small my territory is here in the States!
Editor's Note: Excellent introductory spiel, Pygmy Pete! I have just a couple of additional factoids for our reader: 1) Although "Ferruginous" actually means rust-colored, the feather colors of the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl can range widely. As Wikipedia reports:
"Its overall color is highly variable, ranging from grey-brown with a black-and-white barred tail to rich rufous with a uniform rufous tail.10"
2) You will occasionally see references to the "Cactus Ferruginous Pygmy Owl." This designation pertains to a subspecies of the owl found in Arizona11.
1: Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl Range Map, Cornell Lab: All About Birds
2: Why the Border Wall Is a Problem For Birds, Despite Their Wings, Audubon
3: Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, Jungle Dragon
4: Northern Pygmy-Owl Range Map, Cornell Lab: All About Birds
5: Cactus Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl, Phoenix Zoo: Arizona Center for Nature Conservation
6: Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl, Audubon
7: Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl Sounds, Cornell Lab: All About Birds
8: Elf Owl - Song, Bird-Sounds.net
9: Ferruginous Pygmy Owl: Birdwatcher, Costa Rica Focus
10: Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl, Wikipedia
11: Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl, American Bird Conservancy
copyright 2024 by Brian Quass.
contact: quass@quass.com.